Further Down the Rabbit Hole

new position at work. new apartment. new people. new adventures. 10 minute walk from the hollywood attractions...

i walked up to the boulevard yesterday.

there's a creepy rabbit-man there. not exactly like frank from donnie darko -- he feels much more evil than frank. his costume is filthy. he waves at passerby. i don't know what he's waiting for. he doesn't seem to be collecting money or anything.

but i think if i had children, i'd take them to get like easter pictures taken with the filthy rabbit-man . . . you know, to creep out the relatives.

i bet if that guy keeps sitting there, in a few years, word will spread about him, and he'll be as much an attraction as the chinese theater itself. people will be like "oh yeah, we did the whole hollywood and highland thing, saw the chinese theater, put our hands in all the celebrity handprints, took some pictures at the kodak, pretended we were walking down the red carpet, got a picture with the creepy bunny guy . . . "

people will throw money at him and he'll be rich.

he sits in front of the gap. they might call him "the gap bunny." or "the filthy, evil gap rabbit man"

or they might arrest him next april for handing out poisoned candy at easter time.

but then he might be an undercover cop -- keeping tabs on all the shady hollywood riffraff. busting transvestite hookers and drug dealers. he'd produce a shiny badge from beneath his grungy fur with one paw, and with the other he'd snag his gun. filthy gap rabbit-style justice.

whatever the case, he's the perfect hollywood icon.

it's such a fresh idea: unabashedly and unashamedly displaying your insanity for tourist and local alike -- and not in the clicheed methods of years past; men dressing like female sluts, good-for-nothing actors dressing like comic book characters and superheros and shaking down the poor visitors for change, talking to yourself in public (the shock value there is completely gone what with everyone talking on their bluetooth all the time), and of course dancing wildly in the street.

i hope he makes it onto jimmy kimmel or ryan seacrest or at least the tv guide channel. i don't even know if they still shoot any of that crap up there.

that rabbit should host some show.

The Evil Gap Rabbit Man's Hollywood Glamour Report
or
Disgusting Rabbit's Film and Television News Hour
i don't know.

crusty boulevard bunny-suit man, i salute you. you are a visionary.



in my next blog, i'll discuss why i think life on the island in "Lost" is just like life here in L.A.
i'll call it "Dharma Sharks in Lala Land."

Serendipitousness

so, just by chance, i ran into an old college friend in the middle of Manhattan on sunday. it was good to catch up with him.

then i ran into another old college friend at the Philly international airport on monday afternoon -- just by chance. we had been talking about her at the wedding i was just at. we got to chat for a bit.

then i ran into a friend from Oasis at the Denver airport that evening. we were on the same flight. we hung out at the baggage claim together.

then today, i ran into a woman i used to work with at this production company in Wilmington, NC. she lives in the same building i used to in Sherman Oaks now.

it's a small world. the U.S. is a little village. i usually have one or two of these random encounters each month -- but 4 in 3 days -- wow -- it's getting smaller.

--NMR

Places

so i just got back from the east coast. it was humid.

walking out of the airport was like climbing from a refreshing pool into a 105 degree hot tub.

i miss the culture and history. Philly is amazing. independence hall. the liberty bell. the constitution museum. different churches and temples over 200 years old. i miss the people. some will complain that the city of brotherly love doesn't live up to its name. but if you compare it side by side with los angeles, it passes with flying colors.

next to L.A., the residents of Philadelphia are kinder, more helpful, more polite, more aware of what's going on around them, they drive better, use their horns less. even New Yorkers seem more compassionate than Angelenos.

i feel like if a New Yorker were honking his horn at another driver, and then were given the opportunity to do anything he wanted to that driver -- he might smack him in the face and say something like "Whaddaya doin' ya friggin' idiot!" and i feel like if the same opportunity were given to an Angeleno, he might club the other driver violently and leave him in the street for dead. but that's just me. that's the vibe i get.

I love New York. everything about L.A. seems pretentious, while NYC seems authentic. the people there are a little less 'polished'. but i mean that in a good way.

i went from the rich history of Philadelphia to the simple country living of smalltown central Pennsylvania to the mecca of modern culture and society of New York City to the affluent suburbs of New Jersey.

being among old college friends felt like being among family. for a minute i remembered who i was back then. i felt a joy i haven't felt for a long time. and though the vast majority of them are married and some have children -- many own houses -- i don't envy that like i thought i would. i mean i'm deeply happy for them -- but i just know that's not where i'm supposed to be right now.

worshipping with my old college church friends at this wedding -- after years of being apart -- was awesome. it's like we never stopped. those wednesday nights in the frizzel room in eisenhower chapel on the Penn State campus in State College in the middle of Pennsylvania -- they just flowed right into last saturday. and last saturday will flow right into this sunday at Oasis . . . in a --(i'd use the word "bittersweet" if it weren't so melodramatic)-- way.

--nmr

Epiphany

So now that I'm 27, I'm suddenly very wise.

I've realized that my body is ridiculously addicted to caffeine and sugar, and that my spirit is ridiculously addicted to social activity.

So I've decided to drink less caffeine and get more rest. Weird concept, I know. But I am an old man now.

I think I'm in my late-20's as of Saturday, but a friend said I can still pass myself off as "mid-20's" for another year . . . phew.

We all know life ends at "late-20's".

But this week, I stopped drinking my energy drinks.

And Jordan Rubin inspired me to eat less sugar. And after getting several horrible migraines this week, I assumed it was caffeine withdrawal, so I drank a quarter cup of coffee or chewed caffeinated energy gum (which I've been using like nicorette, but with caffeine instead of nicotine). But the headaches persisted -- so I would drink a little sugar water -- and sure enough, the headaches went away (later I would find out that it was the combination of sugar and caffeine withdrawal causing the headaches).

Every frickin' thing has sugar in it. It's the second ingredient in beef jerky! (right after beef)...there's unbelievable amounts of it in sodas, cereals (even relatively good-for-you-ones), and even my beloved jamba juice (except for the new all-natural, all-fruit ones).
And I felt weird that I couldn't hang out with people since monday night -- 3 nights in a row of going straight home from work . . . creepy! I'm kinda insecure in that way . . . but I desperately needed the rest -- so I can be myself! I used to be fun! I used to enjoy life!

Now if you see me drinking something sugary or with caffeine on the weekend, it's because I'm going to try to be laid-back about it on the weekends . . . this isn't some legalistic diet here -- just a trend I want to follow up on -- so don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, I read your blog and you're not supposed to drink sugar or caffeine! I'm just tryin' to keep you accountable..."

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll smack you.

And if you see me being social on a 'school night', don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, you should go home and get some rest!"

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll assume you just want me to go home so you can flirt with a girl I like while I'm not there, and I'll harbor resentment and bitterness towards you until years later.

But seriously, I'll still do too much stuff during the week sometimes, and I'll still eat and drink sugar and caffeine sometimes . . . but now I know about my addictions. I honestly wasn't aware of how serious they were before.

And, as my generation is well aware, knowing is half the battle.

--NMR

The Reprise

i used to believe in cremation. my body, an empty shell, would burn, and my ashes would be scattered to the four winds. riddance to a rigid cage.

my father said my view would change. he said i would come to love my earthly body and grow attached to it over time.

i still despise my carnal prison. i still want to shed it.

but i love this concept of resurrection. that which dies . . . changes, lives again. new. different. better.

and someday, when my Christ returns, i want my cells and systems to regenerate. something out of nothing. miraculous creation of matter -- a process? maybe -- but miraculous: life from death -- flesh will grow over dead bone like ivy through an arbor. veins like vines. and blood will flow from nowhere to nevermind.

and then, strong, my fists, and fists of others will beat their way through pine and oak, clawing through six feet of moist topsoil, sprouting forth from the earth like spring flora, and my body will stand again. like oak from acorn. rebirth. phoenix out of ash. the dawn after dark.

i have just woken up. i dreamed what could have been and saw what really is. i have stood outside of time and seen each choice i have made and i saw

how we are destined to fail and succeed and fall and rise and die and live

from the largest to the smallest, it echoes this one great story, from the greatest to the least, we all suffer undeservedly and reap a humble reward

and emerge

Inexpressibly Victorious

just to understand Him better.

--Nathan MacFarland Rodgers

Zero at the Bone

A funny thing happens to introverts when they start spending too much time alone. They find that they are so good at keeping themselves company, that they slowly lose the desire to be social, and ultimately forget how to relate to others altogether. I began a great retreat inward at the end of my college career. I wasn't quite sure where to go to make friends at that time of my life, and eventually began losing the desire to make friends. I got fat. I got lazy. I had more fun with video games and movies alone in my room than I did with other people. This trend continued through my last years in State College, PA and throughout my year in Wilmington, NC. Having absolutely no money contributed to the trend. People always want to go out and spend money at clubs, restaurants and theaters. The 5 free rentals a week for working at Blockbuster were even more incentives to stay at home.

I thought I was a freak for experiencing this self-induced isolation. There's a chapter in 'Blue Like Jazz' where the author talks about a very similar scenario in his life. It's a pattern. It's something that happens to most introverts.

But an even stranger thing has been occurring since I've moved to L.A. I think for most of my time here, I've been overly social. I've been neglecting that self-reflective, quiet part of myself. I try to spend every waking moment I'm not at work with friends. Certainly, this has been healthier for me than the isolation was, but I've noticed at times I'm almost burnt-out by trying to be with people so often. People drain me. I like being 'drained' now on a regular basis, but I haven't taken much time getting 'charged up.' People have probably noticed that I'm tired all the time. People have probably noticed that I can't pay attention to what they're saying (I've always been ADD like that) because my head is spinning, making sure I'm not going to miss out on the next social event that's going to happen or that I don't miss that girl I want to talk to coming out of the theater. Like so many things in this fallen world, one negative trend replaced itself with an equal and opposite negative trend, when the ideal is obviously a balance. In the back of my head, I guess I think I'm just making up for lost time.

It's like the forest animals having plenty of food, so they reproduce a lot. Then the next generation is overpopulated and they eat their entire food supply, so most of them die of starvation -- but then, the food replenishes itself, and once again there are few animals with plenty of food.

I'm hoping I can find a balance this year -- a balance between time spent with guys and time spent with girls, a balance between time spent reading and time spent watching movies, a balance between hanging out with new people I don't usually hang out with and hanging out with good, close friends, a balance between surfing around on myspace, and well . . . doing anything other than surfing around on myspace . . .

I just wish there were a way to have a balance between working my ass off and relaxing a little more . . . maybe writing a nice blog from time to time . . . sleeping in once in a while during the week . . . playing more music . . . writing more music . . .

And so much potential alone time in L.A. is wasted in my glass and metal cage, sitting on the 101, breathing in nasty noxious smogginess. ( I am quite thankful for my glass and metal Subaru cage, but not for the amount of time I spend in it) . . .

Maybe I'll go buy some more good, positive music . . . or some books on CD for inspiration . . .