Places

so i just got back from the east coast. it was humid.

walking out of the airport was like climbing from a refreshing pool into a 105 degree hot tub.

i miss the culture and history. Philly is amazing. independence hall. the liberty bell. the constitution museum. different churches and temples over 200 years old. i miss the people. some will complain that the city of brotherly love doesn't live up to its name. but if you compare it side by side with los angeles, it passes with flying colors.

next to L.A., the residents of Philadelphia are kinder, more helpful, more polite, more aware of what's going on around them, they drive better, use their horns less. even New Yorkers seem more compassionate than Angelenos.

i feel like if a New Yorker were honking his horn at another driver, and then were given the opportunity to do anything he wanted to that driver -- he might smack him in the face and say something like "Whaddaya doin' ya friggin' idiot!" and i feel like if the same opportunity were given to an Angeleno, he might club the other driver violently and leave him in the street for dead. but that's just me. that's the vibe i get.

I love New York. everything about L.A. seems pretentious, while NYC seems authentic. the people there are a little less 'polished'. but i mean that in a good way.

i went from the rich history of Philadelphia to the simple country living of smalltown central Pennsylvania to the mecca of modern culture and society of New York City to the affluent suburbs of New Jersey.

being among old college friends felt like being among family. for a minute i remembered who i was back then. i felt a joy i haven't felt for a long time. and though the vast majority of them are married and some have children -- many own houses -- i don't envy that like i thought i would. i mean i'm deeply happy for them -- but i just know that's not where i'm supposed to be right now.

worshipping with my old college church friends at this wedding -- after years of being apart -- was awesome. it's like we never stopped. those wednesday nights in the frizzel room in eisenhower chapel on the Penn State campus in State College in the middle of Pennsylvania -- they just flowed right into last saturday. and last saturday will flow right into this sunday at Oasis . . . in a --(i'd use the word "bittersweet" if it weren't so melodramatic)-- way.

--nmr

Epiphany

So now that I'm 27, I'm suddenly very wise.

I've realized that my body is ridiculously addicted to caffeine and sugar, and that my spirit is ridiculously addicted to social activity.

So I've decided to drink less caffeine and get more rest. Weird concept, I know. But I am an old man now.

I think I'm in my late-20's as of Saturday, but a friend said I can still pass myself off as "mid-20's" for another year . . . phew.

We all know life ends at "late-20's".

But this week, I stopped drinking my energy drinks.

And Jordan Rubin inspired me to eat less sugar. And after getting several horrible migraines this week, I assumed it was caffeine withdrawal, so I drank a quarter cup of coffee or chewed caffeinated energy gum (which I've been using like nicorette, but with caffeine instead of nicotine). But the headaches persisted -- so I would drink a little sugar water -- and sure enough, the headaches went away (later I would find out that it was the combination of sugar and caffeine withdrawal causing the headaches).

Every frickin' thing has sugar in it. It's the second ingredient in beef jerky! (right after beef)...there's unbelievable amounts of it in sodas, cereals (even relatively good-for-you-ones), and even my beloved jamba juice (except for the new all-natural, all-fruit ones).
And I felt weird that I couldn't hang out with people since monday night -- 3 nights in a row of going straight home from work . . . creepy! I'm kinda insecure in that way . . . but I desperately needed the rest -- so I can be myself! I used to be fun! I used to enjoy life!

Now if you see me drinking something sugary or with caffeine on the weekend, it's because I'm going to try to be laid-back about it on the weekends . . . this isn't some legalistic diet here -- just a trend I want to follow up on -- so don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, I read your blog and you're not supposed to drink sugar or caffeine! I'm just tryin' to keep you accountable..."

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll smack you.

And if you see me being social on a 'school night', don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, you should go home and get some rest!"

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll assume you just want me to go home so you can flirt with a girl I like while I'm not there, and I'll harbor resentment and bitterness towards you until years later.

But seriously, I'll still do too much stuff during the week sometimes, and I'll still eat and drink sugar and caffeine sometimes . . . but now I know about my addictions. I honestly wasn't aware of how serious they were before.

And, as my generation is well aware, knowing is half the battle.

--NMR

The Reprise

i used to believe in cremation. my body, an empty shell, would burn, and my ashes would be scattered to the four winds. riddance to a rigid cage.

my father said my view would change. he said i would come to love my earthly body and grow attached to it over time.

i still despise my carnal prison. i still want to shed it.

but i love this concept of resurrection. that which dies . . . changes, lives again. new. different. better.

and someday, when my Christ returns, i want my cells and systems to regenerate. something out of nothing. miraculous creation of matter -- a process? maybe -- but miraculous: life from death -- flesh will grow over dead bone like ivy through an arbor. veins like vines. and blood will flow from nowhere to nevermind.

and then, strong, my fists, and fists of others will beat their way through pine and oak, clawing through six feet of moist topsoil, sprouting forth from the earth like spring flora, and my body will stand again. like oak from acorn. rebirth. phoenix out of ash. the dawn after dark.

i have just woken up. i dreamed what could have been and saw what really is. i have stood outside of time and seen each choice i have made and i saw

how we are destined to fail and succeed and fall and rise and die and live

from the largest to the smallest, it echoes this one great story, from the greatest to the least, we all suffer undeservedly and reap a humble reward

and emerge

Inexpressibly Victorious

just to understand Him better.

--Nathan MacFarland Rodgers