Adam

I wrote this review not thinking about which of my two blog pages to post it on, and realizing that it deals a little bit with southern California and a little bit with space-geekiness, I decided to post it on both. Here in Blog Mummies, I post-dated it for Valentine's Day since this is one of the best romantic films I've ever seen.

Max Mayer's Adam combines the sweet and the real, yielding a subtle, but successful romantic comedy. Hugh Dancy stars as the Asperger's-stricken Adam, an awkward electronics engineer with few friends and even fewer romantic prospects. Rose Byrne plays opposite him, as his intimidatingly pretty, but kind-hearted neighbor, Beth.

This movie's ability to portray the fumbling nervousness associated with young infatuation between two slightly socially-awkward human beings is this movie's heart. Adam's social ills are obvious. Asperger's syndrome causes glaring obsessive-compulsive-like behavior in the title character. He rambles and rattles on about "nerdy" subjects that his audience seldom cares about and almost never comprehends. He is obsessed with space, the cosmos, and the origins of the universe. His fascination with scientific discovery and knowledge of astronomy and quantum mechanics gets balanced out by an equally obsessive love of the theater.

Beth, though not as blatantly challenged socially, reveals her own insecurities throughout the film. As an only child, she shares with her father in one scene that she feels "emotionally retarded" and inter-personally underdeveloped. (As an only child myself, I can certainly relate.) Adam's innocent fondness for Beth intrigues her, as her previous relationships have ended in heartbreak. The film opens with Beth reminiscing about a children's story she had read when she was little. It's about a prince from outer space. His weirdness, his awkwardness, and his love of the stars suggest that Adam is indeed that prince from outer space.

What sets this film apart from other romantic comedies is its adherence to the dying notion that a relationship isn't about being loved, but is about loving. Through their brief, but life-changing relationship, both Adam and Beth are deeply moved. Beth, as the slightly more advanced counterpart in the relationship finally realizes that central truth; that Love (yes, Love with a capital "L") isn't about receiving love for herself. It's about loving the other. It's about meeting a prince from another planet and finding a way, not only to appreciate him in spite of his weirdness and faults and flaws, but to truly sacrificially care for and cherish his whole being.

**WARNING: The following paragraphs may contain SPOILERS**

In the movie, Beth's mother, bearing the brunt of an adulterous affair, chooses to continue loving her husband in spite of his unworthiness. She chooses to love him in the middle of a world that promotes the idea that love must be earned. Likewise, Beth chooses to love Adam, despite his unworthiness.

At the end of the film, she readies herself to sacrifice all for him. Adam, not fully grasping this sacrificial concept of love, insists she must follow him to California because he "needs her." He can't tell her he loves her. He can't ask her to come with him on the basis that he is ready to sacrifice for her -- because he isn't. But in the closing scene, Adam receives a children's book from Beth -- the book tells a children's version of their own romance. Adam realizes how deeply he impacted Beth's heart, and he finally realizes that he is truly loved by her. For one reason or another, whether he deserves it or not, he knows he is loved. We know from earlier in the film that Adam's mother died early on in his childhood. This moment is probably the first time in his life that Adam feels loved by a woman. And although they don't wind up together at the end of the film, Adam takes a giant step toward being able to love someone else, now that he understands that he himself is loved, despite his many flaws.

The end of the film takes place at the Mt. Wilson observatory, a famous southern California haven for stargazers, astronomy buffs, and researchers of the heavens. Adam found himself in the land of Receiving Love. He didn't belong there. But there he was. (As a Christian, blessed with a myriad of things I don't deserve, I can certainly relate.)

Epiphany

So now that I'm 27, I'm suddenly very wise.

I've realized that my body is ridiculously addicted to caffeine and sugar, and that my spirit is ridiculously addicted to social activity.

So I've decided to drink less caffeine and get more rest. Weird concept, I know. But I am an old man now.

I think I'm in my late-20's as of Saturday, but a friend said I can still pass myself off as "mid-20's" for another year . . . phew.

We all know life ends at "late-20's".

But this week, I stopped drinking my energy drinks.

And Jordan Rubin inspired me to eat less sugar. And after getting several horrible migraines this week, I assumed it was caffeine withdrawal, so I drank a quarter cup of coffee or chewed caffeinated energy gum (which I've been using like nicorette, but with caffeine instead of nicotine). But the headaches persisted -- so I would drink a little sugar water -- and sure enough, the headaches went away (later I would find out that it was the combination of sugar and caffeine withdrawal causing the headaches).

Every frickin' thing has sugar in it. It's the second ingredient in beef jerky! (right after beef)...there's unbelievable amounts of it in sodas, cereals (even relatively good-for-you-ones), and even my beloved jamba juice (except for the new all-natural, all-fruit ones).
And I felt weird that I couldn't hang out with people since monday night -- 3 nights in a row of going straight home from work . . . creepy! I'm kinda insecure in that way . . . but I desperately needed the rest -- so I can be myself! I used to be fun! I used to enjoy life!

Now if you see me drinking something sugary or with caffeine on the weekend, it's because I'm going to try to be laid-back about it on the weekends . . . this isn't some legalistic diet here -- just a trend I want to follow up on -- so don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, I read your blog and you're not supposed to drink sugar or caffeine! I'm just tryin' to keep you accountable..."

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll smack you.

And if you see me being social on a 'school night', don't go "Aw, Nate-dog, you should go home and get some rest!"

Thanks. But if you say that, I'll assume you just want me to go home so you can flirt with a girl I like while I'm not there, and I'll harbor resentment and bitterness towards you until years later.

But seriously, I'll still do too much stuff during the week sometimes, and I'll still eat and drink sugar and caffeine sometimes . . . but now I know about my addictions. I honestly wasn't aware of how serious they were before.

And, as my generation is well aware, knowing is half the battle.

--NMR

Zero at the Bone

A funny thing happens to introverts when they start spending too much time alone. They find that they are so good at keeping themselves company, that they slowly lose the desire to be social, and ultimately forget how to relate to others altogether. I began a great retreat inward at the end of my college career. I wasn't quite sure where to go to make friends at that time of my life, and eventually began losing the desire to make friends. I got fat. I got lazy. I had more fun with video games and movies alone in my room than I did with other people. This trend continued through my last years in State College, PA and throughout my year in Wilmington, NC. Having absolutely no money contributed to the trend. People always want to go out and spend money at clubs, restaurants and theaters. The 5 free rentals a week for working at Blockbuster were even more incentives to stay at home.

I thought I was a freak for experiencing this self-induced isolation. There's a chapter in 'Blue Like Jazz' where the author talks about a very similar scenario in his life. It's a pattern. It's something that happens to most introverts.

But an even stranger thing has been occurring since I've moved to L.A. I think for most of my time here, I've been overly social. I've been neglecting that self-reflective, quiet part of myself. I try to spend every waking moment I'm not at work with friends. Certainly, this has been healthier for me than the isolation was, but I've noticed at times I'm almost burnt-out by trying to be with people so often. People drain me. I like being 'drained' now on a regular basis, but I haven't taken much time getting 'charged up.' People have probably noticed that I'm tired all the time. People have probably noticed that I can't pay attention to what they're saying (I've always been ADD like that) because my head is spinning, making sure I'm not going to miss out on the next social event that's going to happen or that I don't miss that girl I want to talk to coming out of the theater. Like so many things in this fallen world, one negative trend replaced itself with an equal and opposite negative trend, when the ideal is obviously a balance. In the back of my head, I guess I think I'm just making up for lost time.

It's like the forest animals having plenty of food, so they reproduce a lot. Then the next generation is overpopulated and they eat their entire food supply, so most of them die of starvation -- but then, the food replenishes itself, and once again there are few animals with plenty of food.

I'm hoping I can find a balance this year -- a balance between time spent with guys and time spent with girls, a balance between time spent reading and time spent watching movies, a balance between hanging out with new people I don't usually hang out with and hanging out with good, close friends, a balance between surfing around on myspace, and well . . . doing anything other than surfing around on myspace . . .

I just wish there were a way to have a balance between working my ass off and relaxing a little more . . . maybe writing a nice blog from time to time . . . sleeping in once in a while during the week . . . playing more music . . . writing more music . . .

And so much potential alone time in L.A. is wasted in my glass and metal cage, sitting on the 101, breathing in nasty noxious smogginess. ( I am quite thankful for my glass and metal Subaru cage, but not for the amount of time I spend in it) . . .

Maybe I'll go buy some more good, positive music . . . or some books on CD for inspiration . . .